The annual Los Ba&#241;os Rotary Crab Feed is coming up soon. Two weeks from today, people who want to have a good time, visit with other happy people, and eat a lot of tasty food can enjoy an evening of conviviality.</p><p>The event will start at 6:30 on March 26 in the Los Ba&#241;os Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall, with free beverages. Starting at 7 pm. dinner will be served, with the appetizing menu long-time crab-feed enthusiasts have come to expect: salad, rolls, pasta, wine, and all the crab you can eat.</p><p>There are still some tickets left, but I suggest interested persons act fast and contact their local Rotarian soon. Usually this event sells out.</p><p>Once again I will be among the crew that will be serving at the crab feed. Along with other Rotarians, I've been doing this for many years now, which makes me a veteran crab server.</p><p>Several people who have seen me at these crab feeds over the years have asked, "John, how do you do it? You are not a professional restaurateur, and yet you seem to have this gig figured out. What's your secret?"</p><p>Well, today I am going to let my readers know about the tricks of the trade I've developed serving at the crab feed. These tips may come in handy for those readers of mine who may some day decide to join Rotary and end up serving at future crab feeds. Or they may simply provide insight for those who want to know more about being a crabby Rotarian.</p><p>Now I have to say I've developed this arsenal of serving strategies over many years and in many contexts besides the crab feed. For example, one year I served at the Our Lady of Fatima Society's sopas dinner in October in the basement of the DES Hall.</p><p>That means I've been battle tested when it comes to serving food community-style. I don't think I've ever seen people more eager to eat than hungry Portuguese men and women anticipating sopas. </p><p>I've also watched and learned from my fellow Rotarians, especially those who over the years have served not only crab but also pancakes and--going back further to flea markets at the Fairgrounds--linguica sandwiches. These Rotarians--like Joe Cox, Jerry Hoyt, Dick Gerbi, and Gene Lieb--taught me this maxim: working hard is not as good as working smart.</p><p>I've developed several secrets to working smart at the crab feed, and I'll share them now with my readers. In fact, I'll go three better than Letterman and give my Top 13 tips.</p><p>Tip 1: Wear tennis shoes, sturdy ones with good insoles. You have to be quick on your feet to make people happy.</p><p>Tip 2: Choose the table closest to the kitchen. This saves both energy and time, especially if you're in your mid-60's, like me.</p><p>Tip 3: Save your energy and pace yourself. Don't go full speed until you have to.</p><p>Tip 4: Get to know the people at your table--their mood, their idiosyncrasies. Watch especially for people with nutcrackers. They are serious about cracking--and eating--their crab efficiently and voluminously.</p><p>Tip 5: Remind your guests about the beverages available at the bar and alert them to the bar's closing time. Many people feel better when their thirsts are quenched.</p><p>Tip 6: Encourage delayed gratification. People at the feed are coming for the crab but need to be reminded that other tasty courses come first, such as rolls and salad.</p><p>Tip 7: Encourage the diners to load on carbs, specially the pasta made with Tony Whitehurst's secret sauce. It's very good. Besides, anyone who plans on running a 10K the next day will need these carbs.</p><p>Tip 8: When the crab is ready to be served, get to the kitchen distribution point early and make sure all diners at your table have their crab as soon as possible. There's nothing worse than hearing, "How come they [people at another table] got crab and we didn't?"</p><p>Tip 9: Be ready to go back for more crab, but make sure no crab at the bottom of a bowl gets overlooked.</p><p>Tip 10: Start cleaning up as soon as you see that people are done. But remember some people are never done. They could eat crab until 3 a.m.</p><p>Tip 11: Help out with the raffle that's an essential part of the crab feed evening. Marvel at the many good prizes available. Cheer loudest when someone at your table wins.</p><p>Tip 12: Save some energy for the final cleanup. Your fellow Rotarians don't shirk their clean-up responsibilities, and they are efficient at clearing tables and dumping trash, but crab feeds are inherently and extraordinarily messy.</p><p>Tip 13: Make sure you don't plan to do anything the next day. You'll need to come home right after the feed, collapse, and sleep in late. </p><p>As you fall asleep you will realize that all your work and strategy was for a good cause. People enjoyed themselves, and they helped your Rotary club's many important community projects--the local Boy Scout troop, the local library, local high school scholarships, and many other projects. </p><p>You will sleep well and have good dreams.</p><p>On another note: The community blood drive, which used to occur the first Thursday of the month, is now scheduled on the third Thursday. The next community blood drive will be March 18 from 3 to 6:30 p.m. at the Church of the Latter Day Saints on 1826 S. Center Ave. in Los Banos. The need this month is greater than ever.</p><p>Comments on the writings of John Spevak, a regular Enterprise columnist, are encouraged and can be sent via email to spevak@telis.org.