Friday, May. 16, 2008

Domestic violence programs are discussed

Programs for abusers highlighted by group

As organizations scramble to fill the void left by the collapse of the county's primary provider of services for domestic abuse victims, Los Baños has become the home of a satellite office for a group that counsels abusers.

Valerie Anthony, executive director of Total Self Insight, visited the Community Resource Council Wednesday to talk about her organization's efforts in providing court-approved programs for domestic batterers. The nonprofit's main office is in Merced, but it has recently opened a location on the second floor of the building at 702 J St.

"No one gets a rubber stamp," Anthony said. "It's not just a matter of walking in and saying, 'Let me get your check. Here's the date you'll be approved.' We sit down, we do an in-depth assessment with them. Then we tailor a program to fit their needs."

Fitting the needs of an abuser could mean providing individual counseling before starting group sessions, according to Anthony.

She said her organization also provides a support group involving the abuser's spouse.

"We all know they end up going back," Anthony said. "And everybody goes 'Ah, I can't believe she went back to him.' Well that's because even though the relationship is not healthy, there's a relationship there -- whether it be through the kids, whether it be financial."

The goals of the counseling are to teach abusers to be accountable, respectful,non-threatening and better communicators. Anthony said no one is allowed to graduate from her program until they "get it."

Anthony said abuse can be a learned behavior. She said this week she was working with a Los Baños resident.

"He was telling me 'Oh, my mom and dad used to fight all the time. So when I call her the B word that's just normal," Anthony recounted. "I said... that's disrespectful. We spent literally an hour getting him to understand how disrespectful that word was using it towards his wife and the mother of his children."

Total Self Insight also conducts a monitored exchange and visitation program. Anthony explained who the program targets.

"This is usually for parents who have not had a relationship with their children, some returning from prison, some just having moved back in the area, and some where the mom and dad just can't breathe the same air."

Total Self Insight is one of the groups trying to develop a gameplan to provide domestic violence related services for Merced County now that A Woman's Place is scheduled to close its doors before the end of June. Financial issues are making the closure necessary. A Woman's Place closed its Los Baños office more than two months ago.

The trouble the county's primary provider of domestic violence shelter services is having caused the CRC meeting's organizer, Ashleee Williams, to be concerned.

"I was a little bit nervous and a lot of other people were too," Williams said, describing attitudes at a meeting she attended in Merced. "So the topic of conversation was ...what are community organizations doing? How can we band together to meet those needs?"

Anthony said the Merced County Rescue Mission is seeking grant money from the Office of Emergency Services to provide assistance for victims of domestic violence.

For more information about Total Self Insight you can call 384-3988 or 827-3269.

Enterprise staff writer Corey Pride can be reached at 826-3831 ext. 106 or cpride@losbanosenterprise.com

Enterprise staff writer Corey Pride can be reached at 826-3831 ext. 106 or cpride@losbanosenterprise.com